Date: I love dogs. Me: *trying to think of something to impress her* my dad is a dog
I’m so hungry I could eat a horse, don’t you have like two horses? BRB. That is completely unrelated to the horse thing, I promise
Image too long to display, click to expand...
Friend: hey wanna hang? Me: no thanks, I already have made plans with someone. Friend: who? Me: depression
Send nudes, oops thats a map of Jagiellonian dynasty at it’s height, even better
Lawyer: my client is trapped inside a penny. Judge: what? Lawyer: he’s in a cent. Judge: you’re going to jail with him
End racism white man and monkey emoticon trolling
Johnny created the group “barbecue”. BBQ tomorrow at my place, any vegans here? Yeah, me! Glad you asked. Sara has been removed from the group
Me: nice car, friend: yeah 400 horsepower, me: that’s like 7000 ducks, friend: what, me: what