Doctor: I’ve got good news and bad news. Karen is leaving you for another man. Me: and the good news? Doctor: I am picking her up at 7
E-mailing teachers be like: Me: polite greeting, multiple paragraphs, perfect grammar. Teacher: sure – sent from my iPhone
You won’t have to text back if you don’t open the message protip lifehack
Single mom of 2, huh? Yes. Wanna make it single mother of 3? Imagine the gains. Tinder conversation
I had forgotten how beautiful you are, I didn’t know we’d met before Sir Jorah. He’s talking to me. Jon Snow Daenerys Game of Thrones
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I love taking long walks, try to impress her: once I walked up to Mordor Sam Lord of the Rings
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Having to go to vet is pretty rough, huh? My health and well-being is not a joke, Sharon! dog visiting vet
911 dog emergency: my owner has been gone for 0.2 seconds, have you tried eating the couch?