Lord give me coffee to change the things I can change and wine to accept the things I can’t
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Went out dressed as a chicken last night and got with a girl who was dressed as an egg a life long question was answered: it was the chicken
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My body is a temple but it’s one of those temples in Thailand where they let monkeys shit all over the place
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Just because you’re a wanker it does not mean you’re not a special person
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Relationships are just two people constantly asking eachother what they want to eat until one of them dies
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People who are offended when I breastfeed in a public need to stfu. What I’m doing is natural and strengthens the bond between me and my dog
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When mum says she hasn’t sat down all day, but we all know she has
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When I’m trying to go to sleep I struggle to find a comfortable position, when I have to wake up every position is comfortable
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