Gonna tell my daughter that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
Sick of commentators saying you couldn’t write a script like this. If people can write scripts about dystopian future they can write about scoring last minute equaliser
When you start telling your parents a funny story but then you remember you were doing something illegal
Wish I was as brave as my kid who ate zero bites of her dinner and asked my wife for a snack 6 minutes after the table was clear
Man running from cops stops to pet cats goes to jail
Lady on the plane started to freak out realised I was Pakistani, I laughed so hard my granades nearly fell outa my pocket. Bullshit I keep my granades in my turban
Library scene. Girl: I study psychology and know what a man is thinking, men: I study law and know how to make someone feel guilty
Keanu Reeves inspiring quote: see these people behind me? Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed so live today
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