Random guy leans over and whispers while were getting food: I have a hedgehog in my pocket don’t tell anyone
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When you trying to take a nap and someone comes in your room and turns the light on. Pointing a gun
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You know when someone catches you off guard and you say hello in a weird way and you replay it in your head for the rest of your life
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*Goes on a date*, *looks around*, um so will the dog in your profile pic be joining us?
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Pre Tinder days when you didn’t say a word to your crush at school but you’d spit pure fire at night
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Jesus this wine is my blood vs Judas who just ate the mayonnaise
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Need to settle a massive debate: what are these called?
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Me: I’m depressed, therapist: try mountain climbing, me: how does that help? Therapist: you might die
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