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Awkwardly standing there as your friend is talking to someone you don’t know

I love you more than crossfit not really but I love you more than burpees

You say “all guys are the same”. Who the hell told you to try them all?

No I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you Sherlock

When he said he was going to give me a creampie I though he was buying me dessert

Happy father’s day from your least disappointing child

Happy father’s day to the guy who taught me that beer is a food group

Plan for tomorrow get up, survive, back to bed

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