Interviewer: so what have you planned for the future? Me: lunch. No, like long term. Oh, dinner.
Therapist: what’s wrong? He’s insane, he shows his muscles to avoid problems. You know what else is insane? *starts unbuttoning shirt*
Trying to make plans in the group chat is like multi level rubik’s cube
Me: what’s your name sweetheart? Her: get off loser. Me: sounds exotic, I’m Paul
Throwback to when the car insurance lady asked my mom for front rear and side views but she didn’t get the memo fail
Boy: how old are you? Girl: 15. Boy: Wow you look young for 18 years old. Girl: but I said I was fifteen. Boy: shhh…
Wow words can’t even describe how beautiful you are. Thank you. Numbers can though, 4 out of 10
Doctor I’ve got a problem every morning at 8 sharp I poop. How is this a problem? I wake up at 9
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