Guy: I have 1 million dollars in bitcoins. Girl: wow, wanna buy us some drinks? Guy: oh no, I don’t have any real money
Girl: our relationship is over. Me: our relationship is what? Over.
Do you ever get a message and you just stare at it for a while and take a deep breath and think “what the actual fuck am I supposed to reply to that”?
When she stays online 4 hours after saying good night Cristiano Ronaldo
Can you hangout? No, it’s my dogs birthday. Lol what? Dog celebrating picture
Friend before date: act like you don’t care. Her: my dad died when I was 15. Me: who gives a shit
Stewardess: would you also like some headphones? Guy: absolutely and how did you now my name was phones?
Would you wanna go out or something? Hell no Mike, you’re ugly. At least I have a good heart, I don’t need a transplant