Couple games: write something the other doesn’t know. Man: I am sterile, woman: you’re going to be a daddy
A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his ass, the doctor described his condition as “stable”
Pessimist optimist realist train operator sees three idiots standing on the tracks
Oh my God I totally failed gets a 98%
Eat at the taco stand they said what could go wrong they said
The biggest lie I tell myself five more minutes
When the kid grading your paper asks if your answer counts
When you wake up excited for Christmas and remember you’re muslim