When you Google mild headache and that shit try to tell you you’ve got brain cancer crying
Just told a guy talking on his phone in the library to shut up and everyone applauded me so i told them to shut up too
So how’s parenting going? Kide puked vomited threw up on mother’s head fail
The horrifying moment you forgot about your tea and discover it turned stone cold Will Smith silly face
Your baby is cute, how old is it? She’s 34 weeks old, do you have time? Sure, it’s 972 minutes past midnight
25 years of living it’s taken me this long to realise the structure of a plug bathroom
Have you ever bulshitted on an essay so hard that you basically laugh after every sentence you write?
Have you ever tried alcohol? Yes / no missed box tick
When you actually treat her with respect she disappears
When your phone dies in public and you dont know what to do with yourself sad monkey