I’m so hungry I could eat a horse, don’t you have like two horses? BRB. That is completely unrelated to the horse thing, I promise
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Tinder profile: I’m an estate agent and I’ve got a rather large semi I need to get rid of. Maybe I can help you with that semi
Pre Tinder days when you didn’t say a word to your crush at school but you’d spit pure fire at night
My dick is so hard. To find. Trolling word play
Girlfriend: honey are you free tonight? I can’t I’m hitting the gym. Aww, can’t wait to feel your muscles and abs. Playing Pokemon GO
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Germany axe rampage on a train: Here come all the racists. Islam isn’t a race. What do you call someone who discriminates against people based on their religion? A muslim. BBC Twitter
Emergency question: where can I keep a baby goat I impulsively bought? This is a joke, right? This is Billy
When your drunk AF and someone is trying to have a deep conversation with you
Ross, I’ve got a science question, if the homo sapiens were in fact “homo”, is that why they’re extinct? Joey, homo sapiens are people. Hey, I’m not judging Friends
One month after playing Pokemon GO. Doctor: do you exercise? I Pokemon GO. Doctor *writes on a notepad* fit AF