Her: excuse me I’m trying to put a load in the dishwasher. Him: same
Old lady: excuse me young man. Me: I have a grandma
When you’re kidding around with somebody and then all of a sudden they get way too serious and start saying real shit dog
What should we call this large structure? Bill: a billding. Buil: I have a better idea
What should we call this monthly cycle of women? What about womenstruation. Man: I have a better idea menstruation
Son: am I adopted? Dad: not yet, we still haven’t found anyone who wants you
Hello darkness my old friend, new phone who is this
Me trying to flirt: do you want to eat something my mom made? Oh, what did your mom make? Me