Did you know most sandwiches don’t even have sand in it?
I saw a black man carrying a TV, I rushed home to see it if was mine. Nope, mine was still there polishing my shoes
Top 3 mythical creatures: unicorns, aliens, my girlfriend
Don’t even think about touching the thermostat mind tricks
Her: is there anything greater than our love? Me: have you ever played Heroes 3?
Arnold Schwarzenegger Terminator he protects, he attacks, but most importantly he’ll be back
Heart he protects, but he also attacks heart attack
Duck he protects, he attacks, but most importantly he quacks