Read this out loud, now read the third word only: this is how to keep an idiot busy for forty seconds
Relationships are just two people constantly asking eachother what they want to eat until one of them dies
People who are offended when I breastfeed in a public need to stfu. What I’m doing is natural and strengthens the bond between me and my dog
We’ve got Pepsi instead of Coke, is that OK? I don’t know, is Monopoly money OK? In a restaurant
4000 years later and we’re back to the same language hieroglyphs emoticons
No smoking alcohol sign trolling
How my weeks go: mooonday, tuuuesday, weeednesday, thuuursday, frisatsun
Eyelashes are supposed to prevent things from getting into your eyes, but when I do have something in my eye it’s always an eyelash. Eyeronic ironic