Ed Sheeran have you met the Royal Baby yet? I am the Royal Baby
Someone stole our freaking tree. Thanks to whoever put a tree on our baseball field
Letters twelve plus one rearrange to give eleven plus two Neil DeGrasse Tyson
Why did my wife cross the road? To go back into the first clothes shop we went into two hours ago
Friend zone is like when someone turns you down for a job then calls you every week and complains about the guy they hired
Sport is fair if hunting was a sport the animal would have a gun too. Ricky Gervais
I wish that my money would have sex in my wallet and multiply
You are what you eat I don’t remember eating a huge disappointment