I wish that my money would have sex in my wallet and multiply
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You are what you eat I don’t remember eating a huge disappointment
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The problem with rich people is that I am not one
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Why get thinner when you can get more dinner?
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My girlfriend accused me of being a transvestite so I packed her things and left
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McDonald’s employees act like their whole career is on the line when you ask them for an extra sauce
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How can you face your problem if your problem is your face
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People who are scared to double text, not me: I’ll send 16 text, 8 twitter DMs, 5 voicemails, poke on facebook and write them a letter
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