Someone stole our freaking tree. Thanks to whoever put a tree on our baseball field
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Letters twelve plus one rearrange to give eleven plus two Neil DeGrasse Tyson
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Why did my wife cross the road? To go back into the first clothes shop we went into two hours ago
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Friend zone is like when someone turns you down for a job then calls you every week and complains about the guy they hired
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Sport is fair if hunting was a sport the animal would have a gun too. Ricky Gervais
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I wish that my money would have sex in my wallet and multiply
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You are what you eat I don’t remember eating a huge disappointment
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The problem with rich people is that I am not one
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