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Someone stole our freaking tree. Thanks to whoever put a tree on our baseball field

Letters twelve plus one rearrange to give eleven plus two Neil DeGrasse Tyson

Why did my wife cross the road? To go back into the first clothes shop we went into two hours ago

Friend zone is like when someone turns you down for a job then calls you every week and complains about the guy they hired

Sport is fair if hunting was a sport the animal would have a gun too. Ricky Gervais

I wish that my money would have sex in my wallet and multiply

You are what you eat I don’t remember eating a huge disappointment

The problem with rich people is that I am not one

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