Man throws beer bottle at bartender when she changes Black Sabbath to Christmas music
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4 simple rules for eating a banana: never close your eyes, never make eye contact, fast bites, small bites
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When your father starts forcing his healthy lifestyle on you. Cristiano Ronaldo son kid
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People say drinking milk makes you stronger. 5 glasses of milk can’t move a wall, 5 glasses of vodka the wall moves alone
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Where would you rather be when diarrhea strikes? Amusement park, Tomorrowland, first date with your crush
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Guy: wouldn’t it be funny if we had sex haha? Girl: what? Sorry a friend took my phone. We’re talking in person
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My German girlfriend likes to rate my sexual performances on a scale of 1 to 10 last night she kept yelling nein thats the best I’ve ever done
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If you’re in bed a lot you might be lonely. Chronic loneliness cause insomnia, need to get in bed without feeling tired
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