Give me coffee to change the things I can change and whiskey to accept the ones I cannot
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This tequila tastes like I’m not going to work tomorrow
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First day on the job as a drug dealer: *giggles* we don’t have Coke is Pepsi ok? *gets stabbed*
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You can’t work a shift with 4 hours sleep, me laughing drinking monster energy drink Leonardo DiCaprio
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Barber: what do you want? Do you know that moment when you pour the milk into your tea? Say no more
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Black hole sucking literally anything but then there’s Hawking radiation girl drinking orange juice at once
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Telling a stoner they have an addiction vs telling an alcoholic yep dog doge
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Outting cucumbers in your water won’t offset the fact that you chugged 8 vodka sprites in under 30 minutes last night Susan Kermit the frog
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