I’m not saying I hate you but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone
It’s a sad sight when you walk past a dropped kebab some poor bastard was deeply wounded by his loss
Favourite thing about school pointing at ugly pictures and saying that’s you
When you call shotgun but the police put you in the back anyway
Friend zone is like when someone turns you down for a job then calls you every week and complains about the guy they hired
Sport is fair if hunting was a sport the animal would have a gun too. Ricky Gervais
I wish that my money would have sex in my wallet and multiply
Me and my friends always laugh at how competitive we are but I laugh more