Date: I love dogs. Me: *trying to think of something to impress her* my dad is a dog
I’m so hungry I could eat a horse, don’t you have like two horses? BRB. That is completely unrelated to the horse thing, I promise
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Someone offered my grandpa a preferred seat for elderly people on the subway and he did this human flag
When she jokes about you vs when you joke about her Beyonce Jay-Z
Meet Hurley. He’s the curly one, he hugs every other dog he sees during his walks
I could do one year “you get one trillion dollars but you have to pretend to be gay for a year”, bitch I will actively be gay for a year
When your laptop is running low on space but your pupper helps by giving it a megabite biting
If I had a dollar for every time someone spelled my name wrong: pile of cash money