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There are 3 kinds of friends: 1. acquaintances, 2. friends, 3. those whose house you can poop at and grab yourself a drink without asking
I was trying to enjoy a nice bath but my dog decided to join me
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When someone gives you their opinion and you’re trying to remember if you asked for it confused man
*Hits blunt* Bruh, do you think the ocean is salty because the land never waves back?
I hate when old people say tattoos are a waste of money like okay debra you have a cabinet of expensive plates people aren’t allowed to use
Can we all just take a moment to appreciate how perfectly written this number 5 is
Sorry I’m late I don’t want to be here. Will Ferrell
I will not eat this whole thing in one sitting – ice-cream cup. Why do I have no control over my life?