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Who needs makeup palette when you can have a chicken nugget dipping sauce palette?
When I’m trying to go to sleep I struggle to find a comfortable position, when I have to wake up every position is comfortable
Honestly thought my cat was a shampoo bottle for a solid five minutes scared cute cat in bathroom
Who needs April fools’ when your life is a joke?
So glad I grew up doing this not this. Snorting cocaine vs using smartphone
Eyelashes are supposed to prevent things from getting into your eyes, but when I do have something in my eye it’s always an eyelash. Eyeronic ironic
Me: aw, your baby is cute, how old is it? She’s 34 weeks old, do you have time? Sure, it’s 972 minutes past midnight
Blessed Jesus you have returned to us! In what meaningful way could we honor your suffering, death and resurrection? Eggs
The human brain is amazing – it functions 24/7 from the day we’re born and only stops when you’re taking a test or speaking to someone attractive
Iron 200 degrees, vindaloo 1000 degrees, sun 5505 degrees, this bastard in summer million degrees metal slide celsius