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Jesus died for your sins, except he didn’t actually stay dead. So what did he sacrifice? His weekend? Jesus gave up his weekend for your sins

Oh you’re quietly trying to get some cake in the middle of the night? Plastic container think again

All dogs can smell drugs, it’s just most of them aren’t fcking snitches

The re-giving tree: it’s a blender

Dead man but you’re still coming to work right

Three our of four marriages fail. If you were going skydiving would you still jump?

If you were dropped back in time into January 1st 1800 how would you prove you were form the future? We’re black, trust me you don’t wanna go back in time

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