Where would you rather be when diarrhea strikes? Amusement park, Tomorrowland, first date with your crush
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Guy: wouldn’t it be funny if we had sex haha? Girl: what? Sorry a friend took my phone. We’re talking in person
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My German girlfriend likes to rate my sexual performances on a scale of 1 to 10 last night she kept yelling nein thats the best I’ve ever done
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If you’re in bed a lot you might be lonely. Chronic loneliness cause insomnia, need to get in bed without feeling tired
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Reasons to use a semicolon: shouldn’t be in sentence, winky face, programming
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Pope sells you idea of heaven, custom builds armored vehicle to avoid heaven as long as possible
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How relationships work: he/she does something stupid, she gets mad, he apologises
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How I feel standing well built man, how I feel sitting fat man
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