I saw a black man carrying a TV, I rushed home to see it if was mine. Nope, mine was still there polishing my shoes
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When you drop some chocolate and your dog tries to eat it. Man fighting lion
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When your human says “who’s a good boy?” and you already know it’s you dog
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Don’t even think about touching the thermostat mind tricks
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The key of being happy isn’t the search for meaning, it’s to keep yourfels busy with unimportant nonsense and eventually you’ll be dead
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Her: is there anything greater than our love? Me: have you ever played Heroes 3?
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Security questions: first job, first kiss, best friends, name first car fail
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When you’re 11 and discover masterbation. Elmo nuke explosion
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