Minute memes

Your baby is cute, how old is it? She’s 34 weeks old, do you have time? Sure, it’s 972 minutes past midnight
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When you hit snooze 80 times and now you’ve got 3 minutes to leave the house sad man
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When you get up after spending forty six minutes on the toilet looking at memes old grandpa
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Outting cucumbers in your water won’t offset the fact that you chugged 8 vodka sprites in under 30 minutes last night Susan Kermit the frog
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Sick of commentators saying you couldn’t write a script like this. If people can write scripts about dystopian future they can write about scoring last minute equaliser
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Wish I was as brave as my kid who ate zero bites of her dinner and asked my wife for a snack 6 minutes after the table was clear
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Gym there’s a new machine, I used it for 30 minutes started to feel sick it does everything: Kitkat, Mars bars, Snickers, Twix
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Smoking a cigarette reduces your expected lifespan by 11 minutes, its not much but every little bit helps
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