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Why I’m single dick is too big might kill someone

When you wanna hang out with people but you’re perpetual self doubt makes you feel like you’re not really part of the group and they just tolerate you Kermit frog

Serial killer: I will tell you a joke, if you laugh you die, okay? So a man walks into a me laughing already fail

Me trying to flirt: do you want to eat something my mom made? Oh, what did your mom make? Me

If a hotdog wore pants would he wear them like this or like this

You’re depressed because you stay in your bedroom all day instead of traveling the world. Cool, now I’m depressed in Egypt

Me rereading my own post every time someone likes it

Automation made my job easier, nice more free time, yeah I got laid off

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