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Dad why do you work and do the housework and mom doesn’t? Because she promised she let me choose your name. Was it worth it? Of course it was Goku. Johnny Depp

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Thanks ladies for putting up with men who will never grow up and good luck to guys who are still looking for such lady

Reasons to date me: 1. no one will try to steal me from you 2. sometimes I’m funny Zach Galifianakis

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Me looking at 0 notifications I’m receiving cause I’ve isolated myself and ruined all my realtionships with my friends, family and partners

When you both gained a few pounds but the love is strong

When she hits you with a “k” out of nowhere and you begin the scientific method to find out what you did wrong

When your girlfriend is mad at you vs when you are mad at her Powerpuff Girls

Me: why am I still single? Brain: you’re weird. Body: and you’re fat. Face: plus you’re pretty ugly. Food: I’m here for you

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