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When someone asks if I should really be drinking alcohol at 9 in the morning, I work nightshift

Cat: stop giving me your biggest hughs, me: you are my softest baby

Monkeys men stopping everything they are doing to watch a helicopter thats flying by

Life’s boring overthink until you trigger a panic attack

You were bitten by a vampire, panik, you are immortal, kalm, you can’t eat garlic bread, panik

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Thief murderer help he’s attacking me what’s wrong she misgendered me

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Zuckerberg my dad told me you’re spying on us, he’s not your dad

Me: nice car, friend: yeah 400 horsepower, me: that’s like 7000 ducks, friend: what, me: what

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