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When you wanna hang out with people but you’re perpetual self doubt makes you feel like you’re not really part of the group and they just tolerate you Kermit frog

Serial killer: I will tell you a joke, if you laugh you die, okay? So a man walks into a me laughing already fail

You’re depressed because you stay in your bedroom all day instead of traveling the world. Cool, now I’m depressed in Egypt

Me rereading my own post every time someone likes it

Automation made my job easier, nice more free time, yeah I got laid off

Her dad: what are your intentions with my daughter? Me: Nivea protect and care

Guy: hi my name is Rob, not anymore that’s my name now, guy: holy shit did you just rob me?

If a friendship lasts longer than 7 years then you are no longer just friends, you are gay

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