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Dad why do you work and do the housework and mom doesn’t? Because she promised she let me choose your name. Was it worth it? Of course it was Goku. Johnny Depp

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I’m going to bed early tonight, is that the sun?

Thanks ladies for putting up with men who will never grow up and good luck to guys who are still looking for such lady

Dammit, Jim. Tiger licking other tiger

Reasons to date me: 1. no one will try to steal me from you 2. sometimes I’m funny Zach Galifianakis

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That laugh in exam when you know you’ve screwed up

Normal DNA vs black person’s DNA chain

I hate when people where face masks in public. Like okay, we get it you’re a surgeon

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