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You were bitten by a vampire, panik, you are immortal, kalm, you can’t eat garlic bread, panik

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Thief murderer help he’s attacking me what’s wrong she misgendered me

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Zuckerberg my dad told me you’re spying on us, he’s not your dad

Me: nice car, friend: yeah 400 horsepower, me: that’s like 7000 ducks, friend: what, me: what

Reddit I have a micropenis AMA, maybe there’s a girl with micro too, there technically is but that’s illegal

I wish we could donate body fat to those in need

Duct tape turning no no no into mmm mmm mmm

Borrow money from a pessimist they don’t expect it back

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