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If you give water to your plants why give Coca-Cola to your kids? Because kids aren’t plants

I love my six pack so much I cover it with a layer of fat

It’s easier to stay awake till 6 AM than to wake up at 6 AM

Job application these days: we are looking for a 25-26 aged candidate with 30 years of experience

Dad what is love baby don’t hurt me no more

Bass solo when rest of the band shuts up you basically keep playing the same bass line

What’s that shadowy place that’s Gotham Batman lives there and he has kryptonite Superman

RIP Carrie Fisher Machete with Leia hair

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