Yeah mom I’m studying how to join ISIS
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Bill Clinton when you see the victims you thought you’d never see again
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What do you do for exercise? I lift weights. What do you do for cardio? I lift weights faster. Inception Leonardo DiCaprio
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Her: come thru. Me: a hurricane is about to hit. Her: my parents already evacuated, I’m home alone… Single car driving on a highway
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When she thinks it’s only her wedding day, but you have to reinforce that it’s yours too. Long tuxedo
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When you were looking for a recipe but ended up browsing for 7 hours and now 9/11 was definitely an inside job
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When your total comes out to $9.11 dollars cashier face turning into George Bush
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When your girlfriend chooses the movie bored dog
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