Dog 911: what’s your emergency? My ball is under the couch. You’ve tried barking at it? It didn’t work. OMG OMG
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My brain during the day potato vs my brain during night
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Everything happens for a reason sometimes the reason is you’re stupid and make bad decisions
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You should shave delete contact
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I do something stupid she gets mad I apologise
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My relationships with friends I love you just saying that because I gave you food
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The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation, no we don’t, life’s great, come out and have fun. Not tonight, thanks
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We must go forward to a better happier future. We must get back to simpler happier times
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