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Who needs makeup palette when you can have a chicken nugget dipping sauce palette?

When I’m trying to go to sleep I struggle to find a comfortable position, when I have to wake up every position is comfortable

Honestly thought my cat was a shampoo bottle for a solid five minutes scared cute cat in bathroom

So glad I grew up doing this not this. Snorting cocaine vs using smartphone

Eyelashes are supposed to prevent things from getting into your eyes, but when I do have something in my eye it’s always an eyelash. Eyeronic ironic

Me: aw, your baby is cute, how old is it? She’s 34 weeks old, do you have time? Sure, it’s 972 minutes past midnight

The human brain is amazing – it functions 24/7 from the day we’re born and only stops when you’re taking a test or speaking to someone attractive

Iron 200 degrees, vindaloo 1000 degrees, sun 5505 degrees, this bastard in summer million degrees metal slide celsius

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