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Crane calling: I love your accent, where are you from? Ukraine. WTF, how’d you know?
Metal detector: none detected. James Hetfield at the airport
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Omg, they made thanksgiving dinner into a real place Turkey
People who have been single for too long are the hardest to love, it takes extraordinary to convince them that they need you in their life
If I wanted to kill myself I would climb up to your ego, then jump down to your IQ
When a male octopus finds a mate he rips his genitals off, throws it at the female so she can inseminate herself. Most epic way to tell someone go fck yourself
Hi, I’m Ryan Gosling, women takes off clothes instantly
Donald Trump thinks democrats care about his opinion, how does it feel putting your stuff where it doesn’t belong? Ask Bill Clinton twitter word play