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It’s terrible how we treated Lance Armstrong winning- 7 Tour de France races while on drugs when I was on drugs I couldn’t even find my bike
If Internet Explorer is brave enough to ask to be your default browser you are brave enough to ask that girl out
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We can live without cigarette liquor manufacturers are millionaires we can’t live without food but our farmers are poor
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I only drink on days that start with the letter t: tuesday thursday today tomorrow tednesday thaturday thunday
If I had an iguana I’d call it Harry then I could whisper to it you’re a lizard Harry
If you woke up without a goal go back to sleep
Cheers to the people who love us the losers who lost us and the lucky bastards who get to meet us
An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough