Date: I love mexican food. Me: *trying to think of something to impress her*my father is a crunch wrap supreme
Grammarnazi cat you think grammar is a motherfcking game
The most beautiful chess player girl woman shut up and take my king
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Girl: I’m a socialist, Me: (trying to impress her) I don’t understand economics either
Congrats Amy Winehouse on being 3 years sober and drug free
But Gloria, you know I’m straight. So is spaghetti until it gets wet women talking
I sleep peaceful at night knowing that I’m single and ain’t nobody cheating on me tonight dog
Pilot captain I don’t just fly planes I fly people literally drawing