Always use protection when you’re horny – goat with tennis balls on horns
If her house doesn’t smell like breakfast or cleaning products by 9:30 am on a Saturday don’t wife her. Period.
Shop for a new tie, make a macaroni, do cardio, don’t let the existential dreat set in, vacuum the rug
Remember kids if strangers offer you drugs take them because drugs are expensive
Please when using the stairs stay to the right when going up, to the left when going down this will keep people from running into each other
Dad found the ultimate way to keep his kid busy wall with moving parts
Best way to never lose luggage selfie printed on it
Don’t have to optimize if you recommend a GTX 1080 protip lifehack
Golden words by a wise man: change the world when you are a bachelor, listening to wife like reading terms and conditions, chess reflects status of husband, 5 missed call scare men
Holiday to do’s: be present, wrap someone in a hug, send peace, donate food, make love, be the light