University is easy it’s like riding a bike and the bikes on fire and the grounds on fire and everythings on fire because you’re in hell
Family killed by ninjas need money for karate lessons. Kid beggar creative sign
Hachiko finally reunited with his owner statue
Sick of commentators saying you couldn’t write a script like this. If people can write scripts about dystopian future they can write about scoring last minute equaliser
When you start telling your parents a funny story but then you remember you were doing something illegal
Wish I was as brave as my kid who ate zero bites of her dinner and asked my wife for a snack 6 minutes after the table was clear
Man running from cops stops to pet cats goes to jail
*Trump becomes president* NASA: shit. A few weeks later: “we’ve found 7 planets, 3 we can live on, and there’s enough room for everyone”
Lady on the plane started to freak out realised I was Pakistani, I laughed so hard my granades nearly fell outa my pocket. Bullshit I keep my granades in my turban
Library scene. Girl: I study psychology and know what a man is thinking, men: I study law and know how to make someone feel guilty