*Trump becomes president* NASA: shit. A few weeks later: “we’ve found 7 planets, 3 we can live on, and there’s enough room for everyone”
Lady on the plane started to freak out realised I was Pakistani, I laughed so hard my granades nearly fell outa my pocket. Bullshit I keep my granades in my turban
Library scene. Girl: I study psychology and know what a man is thinking, men: I study law and know how to make someone feel guilty
Keanu Reeves inspiring quote: see these people behind me? Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed so live today
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Cat got his head stuck in a vase, freaked out, broke the vase, was left with a collar
Legend about thirsty crow jar with water rocks
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Sit down let me tell you a story once upon a time I ate your hamster this morning cat
LAN party with the guy duct taped to the ceiling playing Counter-Strike
Man trapped in Budweiser warehouse resorts to drinking his own urine to stay alive
John is going to the gym, doesn’t upload selfies and phrases like “no pain, no gain”. John is smart, be like John