Eyelashes are supposed to prevent things from getting into your eyes, but when I do have something in my eye it’s always an eyelash. Eyeronic ironic
Me: aw, your baby is cute, how old is it? She’s 34 weeks old, do you have time? Sure, it’s 972 minutes past midnight
The human brain is amazing – it functions 24/7 from the day we’re born and only stops when you’re taking a test or speaking to someone attractive
Women are so hard to read. Well actually we just want… Such complex creatures. If you just listen… So mysterious
Send nudes, not hate Gandhi quote
What do you want to be when you grow up? Not a nigger kid
If she ain’t tagging you in random memes throughout the day she don’t love you fam
At the end, when your legs are tired and your arms are giving out get angry that you are tired, then hit it harder. Drinking alcohol quote
In ten years we will laugh about that
My bae, she stole my heart. Bitch stole christmas too Grinch