*Trump becomes president* NASA: shit. A few weeks later: “we’ve found 7 planets, 3 we can live on, and there’s enough room for everyone”
Does anyone know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
Lady on the plane started to freak out realised I was Pakistani, I laughed so hard my granades nearly fell outa my pocket. Bullshit I keep my granades in my turban
Do normal dogs see police dogs and think “aw shit there’s the police”?
Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody’s gonna die, come have a beer
Valentine’s day’s coming? Oh crap I forgot to get a girlfriend again Futurama
Fun facts about Germany: no fun in Germany, go back to work. Creavive mug cup
Hey La La Land, remember when you gave us that fake happy ending and then took it away? How’s it feel? Oscars fail
I feel so proud when my friends tell me their parents like me, damn right they do, I’m a delight
Arrival Oscars Pulp Fiction English motherfcker, do you speak it?