95% percent of the time when I’m smiling at my phone it’s because of something I’ve said, not something someone else sent me. I’m hilarious
Like and share if… No. If you don’t share this… No. If you have a heart you will… No.
Girl googling how long does a baseball game lasts on a stadium
My sense of humor: things that should not be joked about, things I find funny, why I’m going to hell
Took my dog to a bonfire and as he sat there staring at it blankly I realized he loves sticks, I was burning a giant pile of his toys
3 stages of growing: up young and dumb, motivated and hopeful, screw everyone and everything Spongebob
Re-doing high fives because it was a bad one
When you hit snooze 80 times and now you’ve got 3 minutes to leave the house sad man
How to tell if she’s into you: into you, not into you. Women comparison
Leaving work on a Friday vs going to work on a Monday comparison Harley TIR ahead