Pitbull baby
Animals I’ll protect you, keep you warm, carry you until you’re ready vs birds: fly bitch! Kicking out
First day at school the teacher said “draw your best friends face”
When you leave your baby with father playing poker drinking Jim Beam
When you wanted the window seat but Pope Francis called dibs. Already got it first unhappy angry girl
Animals with their babies
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Mom I want to be a dinosaur. Because they are scary? Because they are dead kid
Mom I wish I was like that plane. Because it can fly? Because it’s hanging from the ceiling kid
14 year olds captioning selfies with “I took a pill in Ibiza”, no Elizabeth you took a paracetamol in Spain because you had heartstroke behave
It’s so unsettling meeting a baby with a grown man’s name. No I don’t want to hold Grant but can he look over my investment portfolio for me