Jeremy Clarkson What is your favourite Peugeot? That’s like asking me to name my favourite eye infection
Doctor I’ve got a problem every morning at 8 sharp I poop. How is this a problem? I wake up at 9
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When the brain and heart fight the liver always suffers
Larry made fun of me when I quit smoking but then he had a stroke and the laughing stopped
This restue cat’s broken jaw got fixed by some good humans turning it into a gorgeous smile cute
What body type are you: ectomorph, mesomorph, endomorph, necromorph, xenomorph
Pulled muscle? That’s just a muscle that wasn’t ready
My friend/s cat had an allergic reaction to her food
Dessert stomach: secondary organ reserved solely for when the primary stomach is full but you still really want to get that Chocolate Volcano Brownie because it just looks so good
I hate when people where face masks in public. Like okay, we get it you’re a surgeon