Drinking alcohol for health reasons: when do you drink water? I’ve never been that sick grandma
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Give me coffee to change the things I can change and whiskey to accept the ones I cannot
This tequila tastes like I’m not going to work tomorrow
First day on the job as a drug dealer: *giggles* we don’t have Coke is Pepsi ok? *gets stabbed*
Barber: what do you want? Do you know that moment when you pour the milk into your tea? Say no more
You don’t know how to buy a lady a drink, I do so dad, can I buy you a drink? OK, on ebay fail comic
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My will to live isded is dead Pepsi can upside down
Me: I’m not drinking tonight, 4 hours later: fallen off the stairs
When eating something unhealthy: if I drink a lot of water I’ll be ok
Congrats Amy Winehouse on being 3 years sober and drug free