Who are you? Someone changed all my contact names. What did they change my name to? Batman. Don’t change it back, I’m Batman
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It’s windy today, no it’s Thursday, so am I let’s have a beer. Old deaf men
There’s 20 letters in the alphabet, right? 26 Oh I forgot u r a q t. That’s 25 you’ll get the d later
Me: mom, my legs hurt. Mom: cause you’re always on that damn phone
Me: your shoes are on the wrong feet. 4 year old: I don’t have any other feet. Me: fair enough
Her: I really love Coldplay and Taylor Swift. Him *trying to think of something to impress her*: I’m basic and have no music taste too
Me making a group chats: welcome fatties
I wasn’t that drunk. Dude, you asked your own girlfriend if she was single
Talking on messenger misspelled baby Abby who’s Abby? It’s Abby
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Trolling girlfriend: can I get a pic of you naked under the belt
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