Interviewer: so what have you planned for the future? Me: lunch. No, like long term. Oh, dinner.
Therapist: what’s wrong? He’s insane, he shows his muscles to avoid problems. You know what else is insane? *starts unbuttoning shirt*
Trying to make plans in the group chat is like multi level rubik’s cube
Me: what’s your name sweetheart? Her: get off loser. Me: sounds exotic, I’m Paul
Throwback to when the car insurance lady asked my mom for front rear and side views but she didn’t get the memo fail
Boy: how old are you? Girl: 15. Boy: Wow you look young for 18 years old. Girl: but I said I was fifteen. Boy: shhh…
Wow words can’t even describe how beautiful you are. Thank you. Numbers can though, 4 out of 10
Doctor I’ve got a problem every morning at 8 sharp I poop. How is this a problem? I wake up at 9
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When people add you in a group chat and text for hours Jay-Z Beyonce
What are you doing? Filling the caravan with petrol. Why? So it explodes when the car hits it. Why would it? Because I’ve filled it with petrol. Clarkson Hammond Top Gear
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