Can you hangout? No, it’s my dogs birthday. Lol what? Dog celebrating picture
Friend before date: act like you don’t care. Her: my dad died when I was 15. Me: who gives a shit
Stewardess: would you also like some headphones? Guy: absolutely and how did you now my name was phones?
Would you wanna go out or something? Hell no Mike, you’re ugly. At least I have a good heart, I don’t need a transplant
Having those weird conversations with your friends and thinking if anyone heard us right now we’d be put into a mental hospital
I don’t speak Nintendo, I don’t speak McDonald Japanese English
Do you believe in God? Yes. And unicorns? No. Why? Because I never seen one
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Girl: my parents aren’t home. Guy: don’t worry, they’ll come back