Can you hangout? No, it’s my dogs birthday. Lol what? Dog celebrating picture
Friend before date: act like you don’t care. Her: my dad died when I was 15. Me: who gives a shit
I don’t speak Nintendo, I don’t speak McDonald Japanese English
Girl: my parents aren’t home. Guy: don’t worry, they’ll come back
Joe: then I said “Hillary now you have something else in common, you blew it”. Obama: you know she kills people, right?
Grandpa: so who did you vote for? Grandma: what day is it? Grandpa: who are you? Grandma: me too. Conversation fail
Is it the weekend yet? Asked Pooh. It’s only Wednesday said Piglet. Fck said Pooh
10 dollar haircut, what do you think? Fixed orientation, dunno man still lok pretty homo
Mandarin talking to apple: sorry I don’t speak mandarin
Are you single? No, I’m humbucker